Abby was an ER nurse at a hospital in Downers Grove, Illinois. In 1997, Downers Grove was, and still is (relatively speaking), a small village. Working at a hospital 20 miles southwest of the Chicago loop allowed Abby to work within a small population, while having access to the opportunities available in nearby Chicago. One of the most important benefits of her location was access to concerts, and any touring artist in North America played somewhere in Chicago. Abby loved singer-songwriters and was willing to do almost anything to see her favorites. How far would Abby go?
To say Shawn Colvin was one of Abby’s favorite artists is an understatement. Abby was going through a break up and Shawn’s lyrics on the A Few Small Repairs album resonated with her. She had become obsessed. She adored Shawn Colvin, and she knew that she would be playing soon at the Chicago Theater. But the concert was sold out and Abby didn’t have connections to score tickets. Fortunately, unknown to her, Abby was friends with a major player in the underground world of Chicago. We will call her the Med Tech.
Abby had befriended Med Tech over the years working at the same hospital and sharing breaks in the staff lounge. One day, during a break, Abby shared her major frustration. Shawn Colvin was going to play in Chicago and Abby didn’t have tickets. She bemoaned her disappointment that the tickets were sold out.
The Med Tech had an idea. “I can get you tickets, Abby.”
“But how?”
“My aunt is a bookie. You’d like her. She’s a lesbian. She’s connected. She takes bets and can collect and trade for anything she needs. She has access.”
Abby bristled with excitement that she might get to see Shawn after all. “This is amazing. Do you really think she can get me a ticket?”
“I’m certain,” said Med Tech. “She can get anything. But if you want me to find some tickets, I could really use a favor from you.”
“What do you need?” Abby asked with intrigue. In that moment, Abby felt she might do anything for the tickets. Fortunately, she found out immediately what it would take. And Abby was willing to take a risk with minor theft and an off book medical procedure to satisfy the Med Tech’s proposition.
“My grandmother needs a urine sample.”
That sounded like something any person could do. Why did Med Tech need Abby?
Med Tech continued. “Something is wrong and she can’t pee. She is bloated and swelling. I don’t want to bring her to the ER until we understand what she needs. It could be as simple as antibiotics. Can you steal a catheter from the supply room and follow me home to take a sample?”
While Abby was hearing this astonishing request, she was also listening to the sound of “Sunny Came Home'' from Shawn’s new album in her mind. There was no need to justify the theft of a catheter for the sake of Shawn Colvin tickets. Her nurse instincts told her, or perhaps rationalized for her, that this poor woman might have a serious UTI and that taking a specimen for a reluctant patient was for the greater good.
Without hesitation, she said, “Yes. I’ll do it.”
Both Abby and Med Tech would end their shifts at 1:00am. They agreed that Abby would swipe the catheter from the supply room and be ready to leave by 1:30.
When the shift ended, Abby stuffed a catheter into her bag. She followed Med Tech into the bowels of South Chicago. Her eyes were on the dark winding roads bordered by dirty piles of snow melt. But internally, her eyes were also on the prize. Tickets. The two cars arrived at Med Tech’s grandmother’s home.
Arriving at the house, Abby trudged through the melting snow into the grandmother’s house, and then into the room. Dirty and wet nursing shoes were a small price to pay for a musical jackpot. Med Tech’s grandma was lying in a big bed, covered by a flowered duvet. Med Tech turned on the lights and introduced Abby. They both explained the mission.
Abby put on her gloves. And she proceeded to catheterize Med Tech’s grandmother. Her love for Shawn Colvin was flowing.
Pouring the sample into a specimen jar, Abby said, “Keep it in the refrigerator until you bring it to the lab tomorrow.” She removed her gloves, threw the kit in the trash, and tramped back to her car.
Abby returned home while Sunny came home. She could almost hear the applause. How many tickets would she get? Who would she invite? It didn’t matter.
For the next couple of days, Abby proceeded with business as usual. She was not going to mention the catheter and the promise. She exchanged knowing looks with Med Tech but did not speak of it. She wondered if it was all vain. Until…
Med Tech approached her. She handed her two tickets. Second row. To say Abby peed her pants in excitement is an exaggeration. But Abby was ready to choose a friend, show the tickets, and say, “Urine luck.”
Abby has seen Shawn Colvin live many times since 1997, but never in trade for a minor medical procedure.
Thanks. Good story. What we won’t do for seats.